How to Start and Make a Conversation: How to Talk to Anyone in 30 Seconds or Less by Christopher Gottschalk

Author:Christopher Gottschalk
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atlantic Publishing
Published: 2014-07-22T16:00:00+00:00

If the Other Person is Uninterested

Sometimes a conversation just cannot get started. You have asked the ritual questions, shifted to open-ended questions in an attempt to draw the person out, but she is having none of it. If this is the case, you will want to withdraw gracefully.

Physical signs

If the other person is uninterested in talking with you, she will show it. We have discussed the various ways people let others know they would like to be left alone, especially using body language. If you are talking to someone who has crossed her arms, leaned back in her seat, and is not smiling at you, it is a good sign that she does not want to talk with you.

Eye contact is another good sign. If someone does not want to talk with you, she will not make you the focus of her attention. This may come across as an interest in something else, occasionally glancing at you to be polite, or flat-out refusing to acknowledge your presence, keeping her attention focused on a book or phone. The message is the same either way.

When you are talking to someone and he starts to display this type of behavior, withdraw gracefully. Acknowledge that he is either busy or otherwise occupied, and excuse yourself. For example, “Excuse me, I have something to attend to. Would you mind if I talked to you later?” or “I can see you are busy, so I will excuse myself” both work well. If he seems to be upset you can apologize for bothering him, but it is not necessary otherwise.

You may want to work some humor into your withdrawal, but this may be difficult. Humor works best with people you are already getting along with. A witty remark aimed at someone who is not interested in talking with you may earn you a polite or patronizing smile at best, and may offend the other person if he is already annoyed.

When you have been rebuffed, a natural response is to wonder if you have done something wrong and to try to end the encounter by getting on the other person’s good side. Do not give in to that urge. You are not a bad person because you tried to start an encounter with someone, and the fact that someone is not interested in talking with you is not a personal attack. Instead, look for someone else who seems to be open to talking, then go up and start talking to him.

Maybe it is Something in the Air — and the Room

The subject of communication would not be complete without talking about the effects of the surrounding environment. You react differently based on several environmental factors, such as time of day, amount of available space, amount of light, the differences in weather, the temperature, how loud or quiet the area is, and any ambient scents. These factors can affect how open people are to having a conversation. You will probably feel more like having a conversation in a well-ventilated,

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